Flying Out-Ellie Katerina’s Story

CC image courtesy of Flickr, Scott Swlgart

HA note: The author’s name has been changed to ensure anonymity. “Ellie Katerina” is a pseudonym.

You trusted them. You trusted them at first. There you were, all wide eyes and admiration, wanting to crawl into their laps and cradle their faces and love them forever.

That was before you knew. Before you came to the slow realization that they would say anything to get you to do what they want. Even when you’re far, far past the age of innocence. Even when your childlike innocence is gone, they try to manipulate you. And it’s mind-games. It’s all mind-games. And hurt. Bitter, bitter hurt, and the stale understanding dawning clearly—this is the way things are.

And then you see the other ugly things. The way that they treat each other. How love and order are the names for manipulation and abuse. And for a while you begin to hide, to ignore the pain, and wonder dully, are there even such things as love and order, or is it all for power, all for pain.

But the relieving truth of it all is, that you begin to stretch your wings. You begin to reach out and see that there are real things like love and support and healthy relationships. And now—

— Oh, glorious now — you are getting brave enough to claim these things for yourself. And you begin to realize that life isn’t all pain and fear and numb immobility. You begin to understand the way out.

There is a way up and out, you lucky bird.

Yes, I am. I am a lucky bird. A strong bird, a lucky bird. Lucky enough to be getting some freedom, strong enough to be wanting it. And you feel sorry for the people you are leaving behind. Sorry, but not guilty. This pleasure is glorious and real and yours, all your own.